I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
