Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
