Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
