she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
