idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
