The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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