Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
