none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
