She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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