She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
