i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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