He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
