nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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