I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
