Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
bring money and cleavage
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
