You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?