Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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