you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.