Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins