Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.