so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
