Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.