The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin