So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
