yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
