just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
