I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
