somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Buhtt sex?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
