If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
