Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
