Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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