Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
