Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And then he peed in my hair
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