Yo dont text me then not text me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
