I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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