Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
