I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
