i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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