PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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