positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
