Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
