Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
