Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
