My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
