The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
