Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
