He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We need a shit load of segways right now
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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