Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
