I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
