Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
