headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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