I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
People in love make me want to vomit
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
