she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
