My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
