chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
