mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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