dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
