I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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