When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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