I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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