No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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