I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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