i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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