The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
