Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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