I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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