Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
