She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
