She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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