his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
