can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
