It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
