yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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