don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
