you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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