We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
