I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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