Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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