How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
