Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't like sucking hair
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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