hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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