having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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