So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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